Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
