Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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