:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
