May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
