just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I touched a dick in church today
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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