idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
