Non-Jews are for practice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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