A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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