everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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