so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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