I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize