He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
