Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
