There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
