just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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