so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
