Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize