i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
