I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
