idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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