Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
