Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
