Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
