1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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