I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
