Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
