Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
