Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
