Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
