Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
