If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
