But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
