She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
