i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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