peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
