So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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