I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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