that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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