I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
