He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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