I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
