Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
