If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
