Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
