i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
