why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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