We won't sleep together?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
