chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
