He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
