oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
