I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
