She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
