so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
