Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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