Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
