You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
