apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
