So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
