Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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