Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
