i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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