my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
