He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
