I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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