He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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