we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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