dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
