Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
do nipples grow back?
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