omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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