there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
