for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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