Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
