allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
