theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
