I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I intend to get homeless drunk
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
