I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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