Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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