Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
