you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
