I heard we made out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The ass gains better be worth it
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