I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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